RELATIONSHIPS; WOMEN, MEN AND CHILDREN

What Women Want: the best foreplay for women

So what is foreplay for a woman? Foreplay is play and closeness during the day that makes a woman want her man. Some men seem to think that foreplay involves touching a woman five minutes before they want intercourse; or, some men think foreplay is saying, “do you want to have sex?”, just out of the blue, and then touching her; or sitting across the room, and saying, “do you want to go to the bedroom?” Situations like this cause a woman to say, “no”.

“Play during the day”, looks something like this: sitting next to your love and kissing, really kissing, each day; walking up to your love and hugging; a long, hard, warm hug, lasting minutes(or more), rather than 10 seconds, each day; just walking up and kissing your partner in a meaningful way, and saying, “I can’t wait to get you alone”; sitting next to your partner and touching, and talking, during the day; touching erogenous zones during the day; finding interesting places to touch; offering to give sensuous massages; whispering sweet nothings in her ear, with a nibble; holding hands, and looking deep into her eyes, and communicating that way; walking up and touching her butt…; listening to music and dancing with your love;

It also looks like this: getting home from work, and saying, “I was thinking about your body today”, or “I was thinking, we need to go out this weekend, …”, or “let’s take the kids to my mom’s this weekend and have a ‘stay-cation’ at home”; or, “let’s get a hotel room in town Saturday night”; or, “let’s order out, put the kids to bed early, and …”.

We have learned that one way to enjoy life is to enjoy the journey; not just be looking for destinations. Men are often taught incorrectly to look for/value results, destinations: winning, conquering, being the best, the orgasm, being full, being better than the Jones’…  But if we focus on our journey we will learn to appreciate each day, each moment. Men need to learn to create and focus on moments. Focusing on closeness, relationships, showing love to our partner involves enjoying the journey: playing, touching, talking, foreplay. If a man focuses on getting to the orgasm, and skips the journey, he has missed the boat; he has missed lots of time and pleasure getting to the orgasm. If, while he is “making love”, he is thinking about, worrying about, getting to the orgasm, he is missing the joy of the journey, AND orgasms are less pleasurable when they are rushed(controlled) and thought about; when the destination is the goal. Our goals should be getting to know our partners intimately, getting close, playing, exploring, learning, improving, turning minutes into hours, giving, trying new things, building anticipation, longing, awe, wonderful feelings.

In a romantic relationship, if we stop really kissing, hugging, sitting close, touching, talking intimately, each day, or if we never did those things, our relationships are in trouble. This involves partners who think about doing these things each day. If you are with a man who only thinks about the fact that he is horny or needs to feel a release from an orgasm, you are in trouble. He is thinking about his needs, not yours, and not the needs of a romantic relationship. I don’t advise marrying a man who is uncomfortable with romantic touch, is not in touch with his feelings, and seems to be ego, power, control and destination oriented, unless he is willing to get counseling or grow through reading, discussing, and learning/exploring growth together.

And here’s a reminder: we are not cavemen who have to jump on a person of interest to be close or have sex. We are evolved, and hopefully evolving human beings. We know that humans need touch and closeness. Humans who are touched and touch often, are healthier, and their relationships are healthier. When we touch, hormones are released, including human growth hormones. Men who are uncomfortable with touch because they never got it from parents, were given negative messages regarding touch, or were only given negative touch: hitting, spanking, etc., need to get therapy, or accept touch therapy from their partner(it can be soooo good). Humans who do not get touch, are not healthy, usually. Babies who do not get touch, die or suffer from failure to thrive. We as loving partners, can EASILY touch our partners often during the day: easy and worth its weight in gold.