We can do more than pray in this country: solving national problems

28 Jul 2016 Leave a comment

by Lisa Mahaffey, MSW in Electing leaders, Mental health/drugs, Uncategorized Tags: ,

Social problems in America: examples:drug and alcohol dependence/addiction and the resulting deaths, health problems, familial problems, violence;  gun violence and the resulting deaths, maimings; making police and citizens feel unsafe; its relationship to mental and emotional health issues; its relationship to drug and alcohol dependence.

We are about to elect a new president. Over the past 16+ years Republicans have refused to address major social problems in this country. The Republican Congress does nothing but vote “no” on bills to address problems such as drug/alcohol dependence and gun violence. And they bring forth no worthwhile bills of their own. When something horrible happens in this country, all we hear from them is, “Pray for them”. Afterwards, nothing is done to solve the problems. As citizens, when something horrible happens, for example, regarding drugs/alcohol, gun violence, some people just say, “let’s pray for them”. It is not enough! We must do much more than pray. We must develop strong, comprehensive programming and laws to address the problems. We can no longer let the NRA and drug lobbies destroy this country. We can no longer let politics and partisanship destroy this country.

No longer can we just sit by and pray!  Over the past 16+ years Republicans have cut mental health/drug and alcohol programs/hospitals and treatments. Health insurance companies have reduced coverage for these health issues. As a result, fewer people have access to these services. These programs are not affordable or available to many citizens. Bobby Jindal, past Governor of Louisiana, destroyed the mental health and alcohol/drug treatment hospitals and facilities, defunding many, and closing many. This is not how you address a serious problem such as mental illness and alcohol/drug addiction! It is not enough to pray, or mourn AFTER a person dies, or a family is destroyed. We must have adequate care in this country! We must fully fund mental health and alcohol/drug programming in this country! No one should be denied quality treatment!

I am an MSW, a social worker. I am also a Paralegal. I have worked in various social service settings and with various social problems over 50 years. I have also worked in various legal settings: for Criminal Court/Drug Court, for The Supreme Court Judiciary Commission, for The US Labor Department, The US Immigration Court, Department of Justice…  I have a comprehensive view of how our social problems cause and interact with all aspects of our lives in this country. One of my jobs was as Supervisor of Drug Court for the Orleans Criminal Court. I also supervised Mental Health Court and Domestic Violence Court. They are all interrelated: these problems!  We MUST work on mental health issues/drug and alcohol issues in order to address our other national problems! We cannot sit back as citizens and refuse to fully fund and create quality programming for these problems! If you are a Republican, you are part of the problem; if you vote for people who do not address the problems and do not fund the issues. It is a nationwide problem; we must have nationwide solutions and funding; not piecemeal, according to what a particular state “wants” to do, or a particular Governor wants to do (prove he is “conservative”, whatever that means); Republicans are destroying this country re mental health/alcohol/drug programming and lack of reasonable gun laws. These are all interrelated.

As a drug court supervisor I was unable to do my job because there were not adequate services in New Orleans to treat alcohol/drug clients and mentally ill clients. Bobby Jindal closed several mental health/drug hospitals and treatment centers, including the New Orleans Adolescent Drug Treatment Center, and Mandeville Drug Treatment Hospital. Many of our “clients” needed inpatient treatment or detox initially. It simply was not available for low-income clients. If you are rich, you can get treatment, otherwise not. The few low cost/free beds were always full and had long waiting lists. Our clients could not wait. It is a life/death issue. We had to put clients back on the street, or in jail (where they obtained drugs); often they ended back in jail long term because our drug court was unable to get them the help they needed. Or they committed new crimes related to drugs, or mental illness issues.

I had mothers calling me begging me to send police to arrest their son or daughter because they were drug addicts and the mothers could not find or afford treatment. They thought we would at least get help for their children. They feared their children were going to die.

There is something wrong in this country! We MUST fully fund mental health/alcohol and drug treatment.

Gun violence and death due to guns: This country must develop common sense gun laws. Again the above issues and gun violence are interrelated. We have a huge population of citizens who are unstable!; either due to mental illness, emotional illness(anger, paranoia, excessive fear…), alcohol/drug abuse… We have a monstrous supply of guns in this country, including assault weapons, with no reasonable gun laws. We have people who worship guns and don’t worship human life and safety. I feel very unsafe walking around with mentally ill people with guns.  I cannot believe men can walk around with rifles freely. I cannot believe men can walk into a store and buy an assault rifle. The open carry laws, with no constraints, are ridiculous. Police do not feel safe when men walk around freely with  rifles and guns. They know many of them are mentally/emotionally unhealthy, or on drugs.

We must fully fund mental health/alcohol/drug treatment in this country. Mental illness and drug abuse causes many other problems for this country: the loss of human capital: workers; soaring health care costs as mental health/drugs then affect physical health; violence against women, child abuse and the resulting health care costs; crime, violence, poverty(cannot get or keep a job), veterans committing suicide or living with PTSD, suicide of citizens, families living in extreme stress, children growing up with mentally ill parents(then they often become mentally ill or don’t succeed).

There are many federal issues affecting the fundability and effectiveness  of mental health/drug treatment in this country. One issue is that we can no longer allow privatization of mental health care/drug treatment in America. Privatization makes care unaffordable and inaccessible. Those are 2 major issues in providing care: affordability and access. These corporations are only out for profit, money: not quality treatment and care. We cannot leave it up to Republican governors! We must fully fund quality care. We must develop and pass common sense gun laws to protect this country. Hillary will make this happen.  Praying is not enough! We, as citizens, MUST pay taxes to fund prevention and treatment in this country! We must vote for leaders who will lead in these social problems areas and produce results! Only then will you see a reduction in death due to mental illness/drugs and gun violence, AND all the other related problems. Mental illness/drugs not only affect the person afflicted, it affects their whole family and community, police,  and this entire country, including law, order and safety.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Immigration Issues

28 Apr 2016 Leave a comment

by Lisa Mahaffey, MSW in Uncategorized

The immigration issues

 

People/voters need to understand what has been happening the past 8 years regarding immigration reform and defending our borders, regarding illegal entry. I keep hearing Republicans saying that we need to close the southern borders and defend them; and that Obama has done a terrible job on immigration reform and addressing illegal immigrants. Please know first of all that these problems and issues also existed under George Bush.

I worked for a federal Immigration Court. So I have first hand views and information on what is happening with immigration in the US. Part of the problem is that voters don’t want the real information, and do not search out real, policy and law information, needs and outcomes. Many just want to blame and attack and vote “no”; they just repeat what they hear other’s say, without any thought or checking of facts and history.
First, those that say that Obama did a terrible job need to know that the Republicans vowed to not let any bill, budget, program pass, which was proposed by Obama or his “folks”. Democrats, over the past 8 years, have proposed many excellent changes to immigration reform; to improve enforcement , laws and immigration policy. The Republicans voted “no” on these reforms and new policy. Republicans cut funding to already existing policy and programs and voted down any valuable reform; I watched as, each year, as Republicans did not pass budget bills(including those with immigration funding included); and in fact shut down the government , and did piecemeal, short-term budgets each year. Not only did they vote “no” on everything brought before them, they had no ideas for improving the situation! So they continue to say, “we need to fix immigration, and the borders”, with NO solid, workable, fundable solutions. It is fine to say, “we need to fix this problem”. But we must have feasible, fundable ideas for fixing problems. Republicans want to fix things, but do not want to fund it, pay for it; this is damaging to our country! If you want more policing on the borders, you must pay for it. They did not give Obama more funding to do this. If you want more enforcement, you have to pay for it. Put your money where your mouth is. We cannot have comprehensive, workable, long-term immigration reform, or any other reform, without planning, long-term budget planning, and our statesmen working together to make it work. The 2 political parties must work together and put the country first. I will not vote for a person who is strictly a party person, toes the line and forgets the good of this country and everyone in it; and our American values.

Under Obama, all people entering illegally, that were caught, were given due process in this country. All people in America have a right to their day in court, for them to prove they have asylum needs, citizenship rights, or for the government to prove they are illegal, without recourse, and deport them. To do this we must fund the judges and courts. Over the past 12 years Republicans have obstructed and defunded the hiring of Immigration judges. They say they want illegals removed, but refuse to fund the process. Therefore, there are thousands of illegals in this country right now because we don’t fund their court needs. Many end up “disappearing” because our system is severely backlogged; due to lack of funding., Keep in mind that most of the illegals we see in court now are women and children from countries with dangerous political and civil issues. Many times it is not safe for them to remain in their countries. They have the right to a day in court, to present their case for asylum or citizenship. That is America.
Another example is that we give out thousands of H2A and H2B visas each year to immigrants(US employers) who wish to come and work in this country. This program was supported by Bush, as well as by Obama. It is pushed by employers who wish to bring in low cost workers to do jobs. This is also a source of illegal immigrants, when the workers overstay their visas and become illegal. Then our enforcement and court systems enter the picture: these must be funded adequately. They are not , due to Republican obstruction.

Republicans cannot have it both ways. If they want illegals to be kept out of the country, they will have to pay for it, and quit obstructing lawmakers and presidents who are trying to do the job, and become quality statesmen who come up with quality ideas to solve the problem(not idiot ideas and extremism). If they want immigration reform to work, they will have to fund it, quit obstructing, and come up with quality ideas for solving the problem. It helps if we read and keep up with the real problems, what our politicians are doing, attempts to pass quality policy in Congress, and have intelligent conversations. And we need to quit voting for people who obstruct, always vote no for improvement and funding, obstruct a president of the “wrong” political party, do not meet , discuss, and compromise on policy; do not have any solid, workable ideas for progress in this country.

The next time you hear someone say, “we need to keep illegals out, and we need immigration reform”, ask them if they are going to make sure their representatives vote yes for funding, and make sure they demand their reps have solid, workable ideas for making this happen. We also cannot stand another 8 years of reps obstructing and destroying this country, due to lack of funding, and lack of feasible ideas. This country cannot progress and become great if we do not have statesmen who seek out and listen to experts, those who work in the areas of concern, non-partisan think tanks; and seek out fellow lawmakers, discuss, debate, compromise, and come up with quality policy and programming, with a clear path for funding and enforcement. . Republicans have done nothing but complain, blame, obstruct, and throw out extreme, crazy suggestions, with no policy, guidelines, how-to’s or funding. Please ask your reps, “what policies/bills have you introduced or co-sponsored re immigration reform and enforcement? Did you vote for funding for quality immigration reform in the past eight years?”

 

04 Mar 2016 Leave a comment

In my book, http://www.amazon.com/FLIP-SIDE-BEAUTY-BEAST-journey-ebook/dp/B00OEXSN2Q/ref=la_B00O0DZHI8_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415926609&sr=1-1  , The Flip Side of Beauty and the Beast, I discuss the reality of coming across men, when we are over 50, who are “beauties” on the outside, but beasts on the inside: liars, cheaters, manipulators, mean, narcissistic, control freaks, shallow, mindless, …  The flip side involves hoping for a man, a companion, who is not necessarily a beauty on the outside, but is kind, loving, respectful, encouraging, intelligent and has emotional intelligence: ability to control their emotions, words, actions, anxiety (mindfulness); persist in the face of frustration, regulate his moods, control impulse, and to empathize… is good on the inside; A man who knows right and wrong, and has positive values, beliefs and attitudes, believes in empathy and compassion, is wise. We no longer are attracted to the “bad” guy, because we have been there,  done that, and know better. We are wise. But sometimes, these beasts also are experts at lying and manipulating and hiding their true selves, until they hook you.

The book also ties all of this in closely with how we were parented. Quality parenting produces men with the above traits usually. All relationships, romantic and parenting are related as that is how we get our behaviors, values, beliefs, attitudes, words, actions. Good parenting usually leads to good future relationships. When men are raised by men who are beasts: mean, dictatorial, distant, non-communicative regarding the above traits, and about life, the men often become the same way. Bad men beget bad men. But we can learn to become “good”.  It takes a lot of work.

All of this comes flooding back to me as I watch the 2020 elections unfolding. The image of male beasts is raising its scary head: monsters. The Republican candidate is pretty scary. It reminds me of Sendak’s book, Where the Wild Things Are. “Let the wild rumpus start!”  “…and the wild things roared their terrible roars, gnashed their terrible teeth, rolled their terrible eyes, and showed their terrible claws.”  And I am the king of all wild things saying, “be still!”  But then I wake up and realize it is real!

As a woman, I am also very interested in finding a president who possesses most of the above positive traits. I will not vote for a beast, nice looking on the outside, but bad on the inside. I am also looking for a mature, over 50, wise, intelligent, studious proven leader for a president. I stay away from greedy, ruthless, racist, sexist, fascistic, bullying. As a woman, I have to study the history of women and children in America, and how we developed our rights and protections.  I am aware that it was misogynistic men who rallied against giving women the right to vote, hold office, the right to own property, taking away a man’s right to own his wife and children and giving a mother rights regarding the children she gave birth to; workplace laws and protections, abuse laws,etc. I am aware that the Republican party is rife with misogynistic men who do not want any more rights, advances for women, don’t like strong, smart women, and don’t want women in politics; certainly not as President .Certain men are not going to give up control and power, certainly not to women.  I have listened to men call women sexist names. I have heard Republican men say that a woman should not be president. They hate Hillary because of these things. They hate Obama because he is black. They hate both of them because they are “liberals”. Those are the reasons they vote for candidates; not because of the above positive traits. This is the way that these men communicate that “my race, sex is better, stronger”.  They are haters, beasts, with no traits that qualify them to be President.

I have very strong beliefs about what makes a great president, and about what this country needs now. I have watched in disbelief as these men have, over the past eight years, hated, obstructed, read fairy tales, not showed up to vote, with no ideas or movements towards making this country as great as it should be; to keep it from falling apart, no movement towards solving our major problems; just creating hate and division.

All of this revolves around relationships, how we were raised, our positive traits, skills, intelligence, values, beliefs, and attitudes: beliefs in people, the basic goodness of people, developing relationships, even with those we disagree with, valuing dialogue and respect, dignity, statesmanship, valuing learning, studying, debate.

How can a leader develop productive relationships with world leaders if they can’t even develop relationships with American leaders?  How can you propose to be an American leader, the ultimate leader, if you have been a negative, devisive, egotistical, no-show elected person in the past?

My book talks about what women want: in relationships, from men they parent with, to produce in our children, especially boys. We want much the same from our leaders. It also talks about what women don’t want in relationships: control freaks, tempers, lying and cheating …

Lastly, we should all learn how to raise boys to men, who have the above positive traits and values, so that we can have more quality people running for office, and have voters who value  learning, discussing, respecting people’s opinions, being respectful, courteous, and re-examining their values, beliefs, heritage, after they reach adulthood;  and participating in the rights and privileges and responsibilities of being a citizen. Our young people need to feel responsible for doing these things. Parents must be responsible for their words, actions in front of their children; are they modeling  positive traits and responsibilities? If all you do is sit around criticizing, hating, spurting venom, laughing at people not like you, you are not responsible. If we teach separatism, regionalism, me-ism and don’t expose our children to people not like them, we are lacking. This can be done by traveling, or by reading with them, discussing with them, documentaries, videos…

Our relationships can be rewarding and character building, always with positives, struggles, unpleasant discussions done respectfully. The positives and the negatives are necessary to building strong, resilient people, as long as discussions are respectful and productive.  We need to break the cycle now, of  building people without intelligence, emotional intelligence, positive traits, great values, beliefs, mental and emotional health, and resilience, It is passed down from generation to generation. My book aims at helping people to read, study, and think about how all of this is closely related. It starts with our parenting, and then moves into our adult years where we become mindful, caring, loving adults, leaders, partners, parents. It is a cycle. We must break the cycle of raising men who are mean, dictatorial, focused on “me”, egotistical, power hungry, greedy, who believe they are better than others, control freaks, believe their sex and race are “better”, and others are “bad” or unworthy; irresponsible in their words and actions, have a sense of entitlement, believe in violence in relationships and with people. We want to be with people, and have leaders and young adults who are good inside.

You can break negative cycles by learning and exhibiting effective, positive parenting. Also by voting your conscience, values, beliefs after you examine them. And by not voting in a way that will build upon hate, racism, sexism, regionalism, separatism, or because your friends vote that way. That is how Hitler rose to power.  Don’t vote if you are not clear on what you believe and what this country needs to become great. Don’t vote straight party, because they belong to your “party”. It is irresponsible. Don’t vote if you think this is all hilarious, not important, your vote doesn’t count, or have become cynical. Don’t vote if you don’t have a lot of positive traits and beliefs, optimism. positive words. Don’t vote for someone who is “the lesser of two evils”. We can do better than that!

You can break the cycle by having respectful, important discussions with your partner regarding these elections. Discuss your values and beliefs and hopes for the future, and the future for your children and grandchildren, for America, and the world. Are you sexist? Do you believe only certain sexes and races should be President? Do you have prejudices?  This is how people and relationships thrive and grow. And disagreements are OK! Respectful, open dialogue, and open minds, hearts, souls… we owe it to each other, and to this country.

 

Link by Lisa Mahaffey, MSW

The Flip Side of Beauty and the Beast: a journey through life and love

12 Oct 2014 Leave a comment

by Lisa Mahaffey, MSW in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

Please check out my book on Amazon :        http://www.amazon.com

In the beginning, and in the end, love is all there is really. Life is a journey towards love, and we are always works in progress. When we stop learning and growing we die (inside); we become zombies, beasts. When we are confronted with negative zombies from the past we must confront our beasts and turn towards love. The following words and thoughts will hopefully lead you towards real, fulfilled love, and building people who can love: being the good beast. We will focus on becoming mindful and in the moment, and how to grow our minds, hearts, and souls, and how to grow children’s minds, hearts, and souls: the art of living and loving.
Why are you parenting and in romantic relationships? Do you want to get to 45 and be loveless?; or to 60 and be loveless? Do you want to raise children who don’t particularly like you when they leave home, and who flounder when they leave home?; who are also loveless for decades or who lose one relationship after another? These things occur from generation to generation, unless we learn how to break the cycle; Thus this book.
Relationships: Romantic and parenting, shape our lives. They are dual relationships, one shaping the other. Relationships are the main determinant of happiness. They provide love, meaningfulness, growth, connection – or not. Today, many relationships are wilting, just like a rose: romantic and parenting: wilting people, wilting love. In this world we can choose to let relationships wilt, or create vibrant, growing, beautiful relationships. We can choose to have relationships with beasts or zombies. We can choose to create young people who are beasts or zombies. Or we can choose beauty within: vibrant hearts, minds, souls.

Relationships: Prevention and enhancement via positives, in relationships and in parenting

10 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by Lisa Mahaffey, MSW in Uncategorized

 In relationships, in parenting, we should not let things lapse into focusing on negatives: how to fight fair, how to deal with problems, how to communicate when there is a problem, how to deal with misbehavior. Why do we seek help when there is a problem, or when problems have gotten to a critical stage? Why do we not learn and read how to do relationships and parenting well, positively, preventively, so that we build a wonderful thing from the beginning and hold on to it?; so that we can build wonderful children and relationships, and not just pay attention when things go wrong, or let things get really bad? When we focus on negatives, we may get through negative times, but we are not building wonderful times.

If we are raised by negative parents, it is likely that we are somewhat negative people; focusing on negatives, problems, things that are wrong, need to be fixed, people doing things “wrong”. We probably have negative attitudes, perceive things negatively; complain, judge people negatively, correct people, cut people down, tell people what to do… These parents don’t focus on being positive, preventive, effective parents. They focus on misbehavior and what to do about it after it occurs, fixing it, problems with the child (waiting for problems to occur), criticizing the child, telling them what they did wrong after they did it. 

Positive, effective parents do things like:

-learn stress management and how to have positive attitudes and expectations; realistic expectations of children; read about babies and children, so that they know what to expect at each stage

-communicate the rules beforehand and tell the kids what the consequences will be

-train the kids when you assign a task, before they do it; then supervise, do problem-solving, then turn it over to them; then encourage; tell them what they are doing right, improving upon, etc.

-teach kids stress management and problem-solving

-lots of positives during the day

-let them do lots of things on their own, with training and encouragement

-structure for success: routines, rituals, expectations, activities that children succeed at; playing with children

-have family meetings and let kids help assign chores, do decision making, etc.

-model positivity, talk without anger and temper, use good stress management; have wonderful conversations with their children and spouses; do not talk poorly about other people in front of the children; do not let children talk poorly of other people

-understand what kids are capable of; developmental stages; and how to help them successfully through stages …

Learning how to communicate, including when feeling resentment or that something negative has happened is so important; using good stress management, getting rid of temper, anger etc. ; but I would go a step farther and say that too often we focus on the negatives; how to deal with negatives, how to fight fair, etc. Marriages are going to have “fights”; but a way to prevent, and build up positive feelings, and defuse negatives, is to make sure couples do positives each day:

  Affection: A kiss good morning

 A long hug and sign of affection in the afternoon

 A compliment

 A love note during the day

 Appreciation: A kind, encouraging word; saying thank you; gratitude for …

 Attention: A thoughtful gesture

…and then on weekends we need to add lots of fun, affection during the day!

With children, the list of positives we say, do, to our children each day should also be longer than the negatives: Affection, Appreciation, Attention, Acceptance (I accept you as you are);

 We have to learn how to be POSITIVE, preventive people/parents.If we make sure our positives each day outnumber our negatives, including perceiving things negatively, seeing things negatively… then the negatives are less likely to occur, and will be less volatile when they do occur. When we are not happy we tend to see things negatively, have negative attitudes; our partner can’t do anything right… soooo we need to focus on positives; doing positive things, encouraging one another… When we are negative, controlling parents, our children will become negative, unhappy, misbehaving children. In life, we build wonderful lives by being, thinking, speaking positively. We cannot let negative parents, people, society, news, drag us into negativity. One of my favorite books is Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World by Zig Ziglar. I encourage everyone to read books on building great relationships and parenting, and not wait until you have to go to a counselor who will focus on problem solving and diagnosing, after the fact, or to a divorce court. It is much easier and more fun to structure for success and love, than to clean up messes. If you are an adult raised by negative parents, you can read in order to re-parent yourself and become positive and loving, including loving yourself(without ego).