RELATIONSHIPS; WOMEN, MEN AND CHILDREN

Dating in New Orleans during Mardi Gras; not with controllers

So Valentine’s Day is past.  What now for fun dating in New Orleans?  We know that we are not supposed to just have fun and love one another on holidays and special occasions right? Fun is a glue that holds relationships together.  In New Orleans opportunities for great fun are always present, you just have to put forth the effort to read and listen, become informed, and WANT TO do it!  My focus is on middle age dating/relationships, and  New Orleans has beaucoup fun for middle agers.

Now Mardi Gras parades start! On March 4 we celebrate Mardi Gras but weeks before, and especially this weekend, we have wonderful parades.  For the next 2 weekends there will be wonderful music and partying in all New Orleans music venues. Just get online and check it out. Two great sites to check are  http://www.wwoz.org/     and  http://www.bestofneworleans.com/    for live music listings and other events.

THEN in April   http://www.fqfi.org/frenchquarterfest/   is French Quarter Fest with 17 stages in the Quarter: music all day every day: FREE.  Last year over 500,000 people attended!:  Plus  the best food in the world.

THEN   http://www.nojazzfest.com/   New Orleans Jazz Fest  April 25- May 4!!!!!!   “This festival could only be held in New Orleans because here and here alone is the richest musical heritage in America. New Orleans, in the long run, should become bigger than Newport in jazz festivals. Newport was manufactured, but New Orleans is the real thing.” Attendance yearly is about 700,000.  This is the best jazz fest in the world!

SO, for the next 2 months there is non-stop fun in New Orleans.  Be there or be square!

Now, here is the ugly truth about dating controlling people. Over the past few months we have been talking about dating controlling people, and that it is something we need to NOT DO (see past articles). We have talked about dynamics of controllers.

When it comes to having real fun, like the things listed above, it is VERY likely that controllers are not going to go to these events.  Why? First of all, controllers do not like crowds.

Linda noticed a lot of men who simply do not know how to have fun. They do not want to try new things— leave their comfort zones. This was easy to find out in New Orleans, home of jazz, Jazzfest, Mardi Gras, home of fun; The Big Easy: easy to have fun. Linda loved to go listen to live music, dance etc. One of the things she asked men from New Orleans is if they go and do these things. If the answer was no, they would not be compatible. She was amazed at the number of men who live in New Orleans and never experience the wonders of New Orleans. People come from all over the world to experience New Orleans, and many end up moving there because it is so much fun, so eclectic, has so much soul, history, and diversity. Again, these men are “asleep”. They get up, go to work, come home, do the same thing every evening. On weekends they cook, garden, clean the house and yard, go to the movies, go fishing, watch sports….which are all good, but if you do not “do” New Orleans, you are not living.

The ability to try and enjoy new things— to feel unbelievable joy, to let yourself go, to “hang loose”, to laugh, to be around people, lots of people, people watching,  and showing unbridled enthusiasm…is a skill, a quality, which Linda found many men  do not have. Their fathers taught them to be in control of themselves, to enjoy sports(competition, winning, being the best, might means right) and fishing (goal: catching fish)  and not how to have uncontrolled, unplanned, ungoal oriented, uncompetitive, unskill based fun. Fun where you cannot compare yourself to others (be better than others), fun that may require skills you don’t have (dancing with a woman), skills you may have to learn; fun where you may appear foolish, silly(worried about what others think of you); many boys are not taught that kind of fun and not taught how to be with females/women. When you grow up you have to have a desire to learn how to “be with” women, if you want to have good relationships with women; how to have fun with women;  You cannot stay stuck in “what I did; how I did things as a boy”;  It is the same way a man who becomes a father has to learn how to “be with” children; how to have fun with children; how to celebrate and find wonder in children; something they have not experienced before; something new;  indeed, men who get stuck in their limited boyhood ways, because of dictatorial, controlling fathers, have to be willing to become unstuck and learn new ways of being with and enjoying others and the world.  These boys are stuck in the old, ineffective, unhealthy messages their fathers gave to them regarding “being a man”, being tough, being controlled, being best, being competitive, not feeling feelings, being valuable.

Linda would ask men why they did not go to these happenings. One major reason was, “I don’t like crowds”. Again these men feel totally out of control in crowd situations. Everything you do and experience is determined by what the crowd is doing; you move with the crowd, sit where there is not a human sitting already, wait in lines, be patient; control freaks cannot do this; they have to be in control of where they sit, when they go to the bathroom, how clean they stay, how long it takes them to eat, what they eat; everything. You are mingling with all types of people, many who are not just like you; the only plan is to have fun, go with the flow, change plans when you see something more fun around the corner…. There is no control, plan, I must, I should, those people need to get out of my way, those people are not like me, this traffic is crazy; they need to get out of my way; Linda thought you could compare these men to those who “cannot do the beach”. They also cannot do crowded festivals. It requires you just to let go, let go of control, be open to new wonders, new experiences, to just sit and be, and see and hear and notice the wonders of people and this world, to relax, to breathe, to learn new things about yourself and people and nature.

Another trait of controllers is that, if it is your idea to attend these things, they are not likely to go, because it is your idea. Controllers do not want to be told what to do; they perceive ideas and recommendations as telling them what to do, or criticizing or challenging their ideas;  when you have ideas they see you as thinking you are smarter, have better ideas than them;  They want to do what they recommend. They may end of going with you to your venue of choice, but once they get there, look out! There will be a disgruntled, unhappy person: complaining, disagreeing….

This is a great test for you if you are dating:  if the person has not been to the above events, and does not want to, ask them why. If they say, “I don’t like crowds…” , plus exhibit the other traits we have discussed,  say adios!

Happy dating in New Orleans!