RELATIONSHIPS; WOMEN, MEN AND CHILDREN

We  talk about scary things and zombies at Halloween time, and now zombies are all the rage on TV; time to be scared, fearful. Many middle aged men are scared, fearful all year long…of love, getting close, getting hurt, rejected; scared of being vulnerable. So they protect themselves from these things. They close up emotionally. All experts will tell them the only way to find true love is to put yourself out there. Take off your costumes, masks, defenses, past hurts. Be aware of the past and what was done wrong, fix what can be fixed, let go of what can’t be changed, and move on. We cannot be thinking about the past, or the future(because we can’t see the future), in a relationship. We must be fully in the present; fully with the one we are with, and fully with ourselves. We have to be skilled in shutting out negative thoughts, feelings that pop into our heads and putting ourselves back into the present and all the wonderful things in the present.

Women often talk about being with men who are “not really there” when they are with them. They are often “emotionally checked out”. They are zombies. It is scary! Another word for these men is “space cadets”. When with these men we can tell that they are “somewhere else”. Experts will tell you that their minds are in the past or future; thinking about negative things that happened in the past(worrying), or worrying about the future, even the rest of the day or week. To be emotionally available we have to let go of fear. We cannot change the past and we certainly cannot cause the future in relationships. The most effective thing we can do is be fully in the present: be into the person we are with. What’s ironic is that all the worrying we do to try to improve the present is the very thing that messes up the present.

Men also have to be willing to be hurt and/or rejected. It’s part of loving. Your fear of being hurt can cause you not ever to be hurt again: be alone for the rest of your life. You have all heard the phrase, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” ; so true. Egos also get in the way big time. If your ego keeps you from going after someone, or saying something or doing something: sticking yourself out there, because it doesn’t what you to be rejected, you have to learn to not operate from your ego. I have also heard ego-oriented men say they don’t compliment women because they don’t want the women to get big heads: don’t want the woman to feel they are better than them. They want to keep the women “down there” so that they, the men, can elevate themselves “up there”. Egos are very bad in relationships, and in life.

There is spooky talk of zombies evolving into our day and time; that there really are zombies. Middle age women will tell you that there are LOTS of men zombies out there. They can’t listen, think, be mindful, use their 5 senses to see, feel beauty, wonder, play, touch, to really see women. They can’t feel and show real romantic love with a woman.When you talk to them, they are off somewhere else, in zombie land, with no eye contact. They grunt, look at you blankly, can’t feel, don’t like touch and giving. When driving with them they are off somewhere else. Single, middle age men become zombies after many years of fear, negativity, ego: closing themselves off: their hearts, souls, minds dry up. How more zombie can you get? It’s pretty scary!