RELATIONSHIPS; WOMEN, MEN AND CHILDREN

It is almost Valentine’s Day, and many couples will “go out to eat”.

They say giving a man great food is a way to his heart. Sharing a meal with a woman, fully, with social etiquette is a way to a woman’s heart. It is a social and/or romantic happening. Often it is a “date”, and should be a date even if you are married. You can (and should)  make sharing a meal at home a social and/or romantic happening also. Often, however, men don’t know how to be with women. They are not taught social graces, social skills by their parents, nor how to be with a woman in a pleasurable or romantic way.  (social graces, table manners, also apply when you are eating with others). In middle age dating, it seems many men have never learned how to be with a woman; eat with a woman, converse with a woman at a dinner table. Many middle age men are used to being with men, or by themselves, eating, and don’t see any need to use manners, and have no need to converse in an interesting, intelligent, romantic, positive way.

Many men go out on “first” dates, to dinner, and then say that the woman does not want to go out with them again. This can happen for many reasons, but table manners, conversation, social skills are just a few things that can give a bad impression. So here are a few pointers for men:  Sharing a meal can be a wonderful “thing” to do with women, for men who say they don’t know what to do with women; how to be with a woman in a quality way:

The goals when eating with a woman are sharing good company, focusing mostly on the woman, not the food,  having a pleasant social experience, good conversation, good sharing of food and wine experience, an opportunity to sit next to one another(not across from one another) without distractions and just share an hour of eye contact, hand contact, and charming a woman. It can be very intimate!  Let go of these goals:(you learned as a child or when eating with men): to see who can finish faster, to see how much food you can shovel into your mouth in 10 minutes, to lick up every last drop(not waste food).

Please use table manners: chew with your mouth closed; hold your fork like a fork, not like a shovel. Do not shovel food into your mouth, smacking as you go, getting your mouth as close as possible to the plate; do not push food onto your fork with your fingers; do not put elbows on the table as you shovel; do not sop up your food and clang your fork/spoon 20 times on the plate/bowl at the end to get every drop; do not clean your teeth with your tongue or pick your teeth with a toothpick or anything else; do not hang a toothpick out of your mouth.

Put your fork down periodically, chew, breathe, talk, touch; share the food experience…

For women, eating together can be quality time, foreplay, sensuous. Many men go into automatic when they see food, regressing back to the caveman days when food was scarce and something to fight over, and pig down; or back to childhood where food and meals have all sorts of dynamics and connotations attached.  Eating together is just one example of how to be with a woman consciously, and not go into automatic or your subconscious habits and ways. Men know how to be with a woman at night in bed but during the day, every activity can be a wonderful experience filled with touching, kissing, hugging, eye contact, sitting close, sharing conversation and experiences, focusing on the other person, GIVING as well as taking, playing, putting effort into being with the person fully. If you are not good at it, you must focus, try, learn new behaviors and attitudes.

Another skill to learn is to focus on beauty and romantic things around you: the atmosphere, surroundings, the moon, candles, the place, the woman’s beauty, and senses being stimulated, smells, tastes, touch, sights, sounds (music), the sound of her voice, how you feel… say positive things, of her, the food, the waiter, etc….”I love…”

In New Orleans, eating out is a way of life, associated with great food, wine, music, company, sharing, finding a new place every month; it is a total food/life experience usually enjoyed with much gusto, joy and pleasure. SO, eating out with a date (or partner) in New Orleans is an easy way to enjoy time with each other. Make a point to find a new place at least monthly, or go back and enjoy a favorite with your love interest. The Gambit regularly publishes a list of the best restaurants, and best new restaurants,  including the top 100!  www.bestofneworleans.com .

Most of us, as adults, want to learn how to be better in relationships with the opposite sex. It takes, many times, learning new skills, behaviors, attitudes and examining and letting go of childhood ways, or the ways of our parents if they were not good. It takes, learning, exploring, growing, listening, watching, reading… or we can continue to operate in automatic, oblivious to the world, especially the world of romance and wonderful new experiences. Going out to eat, going out on dates, can and should be a special time. In New Orleans, dining out is a total experience; the food, all the stages of the experience(courses), sharing meals,  treating the taste buds and the soul, the atmosphere, the cocktails and wine, the music, the conversation with our partner, the waiters, the chefs, etc., getting dressed up… respecting the experience, your date, the restaurant, by showing respect, appreciation, asking questions, enjoying learning. Or you can go, eat…eat quickly, silently, wolfing it down, instead of savoring it. Learning how to savor the experience, the person you are with, is a wonderful thing. Do you focus on filling your belly or the total experience, and  being a great date? Eating with your love, going to the beach with your love: these are all examples of learning how to be a great partner, lover.