RELATIONSHIPS; WOMEN, MEN AND CHILDREN

What Women Want: more on foreplay

“…a runner’s high doesn’t come from thinking about the end result; to a runner so affected, the end result is assured. Instead, they think only of the moment, one step, one breath, and one heartbeat at a time.”

The last article talked about what women consider foreplay. We talked about focusing on the moments during the day, one moment, one breath, one heartbeat at a time, and creating and focusing on those moments, not the end result, even though the end result will be wonderful if the moments along the way, the journey, are wonderful. It’s also good not to overdefine, over focus on the end result: the orgasm; Especially for those of us over 50, reality is that orgasms sometimes lessen in frequency and intensity, although if couples focus on lots of loving during the day, the end pleasure is more likely, and more pleasurable. As we age we have to redefine and re-invent our intimacy and love-making. We have to be willing to evolve, and not get stuck in ways of doing things, and definitions, from when we were young. It actually can be LOTS of fun reinventing closeness and intimacy.

While dating over 50, Linda experienced men who were hung up on, stressed about, the inability to get erections, have orgasms frequently, as they did when they were young. So, the whole issue of touching a lot, kissing and hugging a lot, etc. became an uncomfortable situation when men thought they were expected to “have sex” again when a women got close, and lots of” touching” occurred.  Maybe the couple had already had sex in the morning, and Linda wanted to “get close” during the day. A man would say, “ Geez, you are wearing me out!”.  He thought he was supposed to “perform” every time she got close and intimate. Communication is so important for couples, as we all know. But communicating at this time is also so important. Linda should tell the man that she does not expect erections or orgasms every time she touches him intimately; that she just wants to play and be close; that she DOESN’T want intercourse or orgasms (reverse psychology); but that she does expect lots of closeness, touching and intimacy with her partner. This will free up her partner to touch and accept touch without getting uptight.

Also, we have talked about control issues a lot. If you are dating a controlling person, you will notice that they also want to control when, where, how sex happens. A control freak will not like it if you have ideas, suggestions for how to make your intimate life more fulfilling and wonderful. Remember, controllers think that when you have ideas, suggestions, you are trying to tell them what to do, or criticize the way they do things. They don’t like to try new things, because they are afraid of failure and making mistakes; don’t like to leave their comfort zone. If you notice this behavior, run.  Controllers are going to be miserable as they age because they are losing their skills, looks, charm, abilities in bed, etc., and they are not likely to develop new skills, attitudes…

Dating, or loving, at any age can be enhanced by lots of foreplay and brain play(thinking about) during the day. Maybe we all should have an understanding that touching and being close does not mean jumping in bed and climaxing must follow. The pleasure of the journey is having pleasure hormones spread all over your body, tingling, feeling, getting to “know” your partner, getting to know every inch of their body, getting to know all sorts of touch and pleasuring, learning to play, receive and give, and just feeling GOOD, without feeling you have to do anything in response or as a final achievement.