RELATIONSHIPS; WOMEN, MEN AND CHILDREN

New Year’s resolution:  to be in positive relationships

We have begun a wonderful new year: 2014. Again, a time for new beginnings, and/or examining how to improve and enhance our lives, our relationships, in the new year.  It is a time to make a list, actually write down, what we envision our lives will look like in the new year: our wish list, the positives. We can visualize the types of people we will bring into our lives, that we will form relationships with: their actual qualities, values, beliefs, attitudes, such as happy, kind, healthy, fun, loving, positive, peaceful…  We can also evaluate the people already in our lives, our relationships. If we are dating, is this person all the above or is he/she controlling, angry a lot, unhappy a lot, stressed out a lot, unable to have fun regularly, unable to show unconditional love and affection, and thus affecting your life negatively? Is our spouse full of the positives above or the negatives?  So, it is also a time to “clean house”. If we are in a negative, toxic relationship it is time to either get counseling together, or get out.

In this new year we deserve to be happy, joyful, peaceful, loving and loved, healthy and around positive, uplifting people.  In the past articles we have talked about what control in a relationship looks like. We have talked about what a happy, healthy lifestyle looks like re relationships, and how to be positive people, how to be encouraging. We talked about where we come from: where our attitudes, skills with people, beliefs come from:  from our parents and how we were parented and we have been encouraged to examine those things,  re-learn those things, and re-parent ourselves if need be.  We have talked about the opposite of control, having options, choices, free wills, ideas , new experiences and the ability to try new things, and make mistakes, the courage to be imperfect;  to take it easy on ourselves and our loved ones; to find compassion and contentment.  We have talked about all the “special times” in our year: the “holidays”, and how they symbolize the positives in our lives, in our country, and our values and beliefs.  Hopefully we are able to think about and examine our values, beliefs,  attitudes and live a purposeful, positive life even when it is not a “holiday”; to be encouraging and thankful daily.

So, we can resolve to examine our year, our relationships for quality and lack of quality, and resolve to improve and enhance, or if need be, get rid of toxic relationships; to take care of ourselves and love ourselves. “To love ourselves” does not mean at the expense of others. It does not mean to be egotistical and driven by ego. It does not mean to be self-centered. It just means to be compassionate and loving to yourself and not allow others to injure you continuously.  It means insisting others respect your feelings and basic needs most of the time.  It means learning and using effective communication, stress management, and problem-solving, and not letting others tear you down. It means taking care of your body, soul, mind.

Regarding romantic relationships, we can resolve to bring those people with positive qualities, values, beliefs, skills, and attitudes into our lives. The beginning of the process to do this is to actually write down  those qualities that your partner will have, actually “see”, envision, this person (not his/her face);  do visioning, actually seeing yourself with this person, what you will do, say, how you will be together, where you will live, how you will “love”,  being kind and positive with each other, having fun together, how you will share your lives together,  things you consider compatibility “must-haves”, etc.  Then do visioning each day, envisioning the positives happening to you, your positive life.

For all other relationships, such as friends, children, parents, etc. we can resolve to be kind, encouraging, positive, good friends, compassionate, have fun with them,  be good listeners,  explore and talk about values, beliefs, learning new things,  and not be controlling.

Happy New Year!  You CANNOT be happy when trying to control others, and when loved ones, significant others are trying to control you…  relax, take each day as it comes, enjoy each day, focus on breathing, noticing beauty and positives in things and people, and “seeing”  all the wonderful events and people coming into your life.